[Bula Matali]

Paul Botha, left, and Albert Marton before their wedding ceremony in Cape Town.

By DAN LEVIN
Published: July 27, 2010. Cape Town Journal



CAPE TOWN — It was another picture-perfect wedding at the foot of Table Mountain, recalled the Rev. Daniel Brits. Inside the chapel, a female vocalist sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” before he led the nervous couple through their vows surrounded by family and friends a few weeks ago.

That the betrothed were two men gave few of the guests pause. For Mr. Brits, it was all in a day’s work. After all, he says, he has married more than 500 gay couples in the four years since South Africa became the first country in the Southern Hemisphere to legalize same-sex marriage, a distinction that ended only this month when Argentina did the same.

More than 3,000 same-sex couples have been married in South Africa, with about half of those couples including at least one foreigner, the government says. The law permitting same-sex marriage has begun to pave the way for greater tolerance of homosexuality, advocates contend, and the weddings have provided a shot in the arm to companies catering to those tying the knot.

“Apartheid suppressed tolerance, but once that was out of the way our society has moved so fast and most people just go with the flow,” said Mr. Brits, a nondenominational minister.

The weddings frequently take place on Table Mountain, the vast, flat-topped landmark that looms over the city, and at hotels like the 12 Apostles, a resort perched on a cliff above the sea where Arianne McClellan and her bride, both London police officers, said “I do” last fall. The couple chose Cape Town for its stunning natural beauty and gay-friendly culture.

The legal protections in South Africa stand in stark contrast to the antigay sentiment that has recently been on display elsewhere in Africa, whether in the trial of a gay couple in Malawi or the legislative proposal in Uganda to make homosexuality a capital crime in some cases.

But even as human rights advocates praise the country’s legal openness and the economic windfall that has accompanied same-sex nuptial tourism, they fret that the law, like so much of the new South Africa’s promise and prosperity, has bypassed many of the country’s citizens, particularly in the black majority.

Anthony Manion, director of Gay and Lesbian Memory in Action, said the law had largely failed to benefit blacks living in the impoverished townships that stretch for miles outside cities like Cape Town and Johannesburg. In them, gay men and lesbians often face unabashed discrimination and violence; advocates say that a growing number of lesbians have become victims of so-called corrective rapes aimed at ridding them of their sexual orientation.

“The vast majority of gay people in South Africa are still shut off from marrying the partner of their choice because of the deep economic inequality, social isolation and cultural exclusion,” Mr. Manion said.

He and others complain that the focus on wedding cakes and floral arrangements distracts attention from far more serious challenges.

Melanie Judge, an author of “To Have & To Hold: the Making of Same-Sex Marriage in South Africa,” was far more blunt, accusing white middle-class South Africans of ignoring their black brethren in their rush to the altar.

“Marriage is a commodity that’s been branded and packaged,” she said. “The law hasn’t gotten to the depths of prejudice if gay marriage ignores our collective trauma in favor of clothes, makeup and honeymoons.”

Others say change in the socially conservative townships will take time, and they point to a shift in attitudes among Afrikaners — the white minority that once imposed racial apartheid on the nation — and within the mixed-race population known as coloreds. Mr. Brits, for one, said it was striking that 80 percent of the South Africans he has married have been Afrikaners, who come from a community that has long condemned homosexuality.

Perhaps most astonished are the same-sex couples who expected far more resistance among their families. When Jens Von Wichtingen, a German, and his Afrikaner husband, Daniel, who took his surname, married in February after 17 years together, they were surprised at how readily Daniel’s deeply religious parents accepted their union.

“Afrikaners do not talk about sex and definitely not about gays,” Jens said. Yet at the wedding “they were so damn proud.”

He added that Daniel’s parents might not feel comfortable with the notion of “gay rights,” but they accepted their marriage and their decision to adopt a black child.

But white South Africa is still a long way from fully embracing gay marriage. While some mainstream businesses have been happy to capture part of the gay market, others — photographers, clerics and catering hall owners — have rejected same-sex couples citing “Christian principles,” some industry members say.

James Cussen, co-founder of an online same-sex wedding directory, said that even as his listings had grown to include more than 60 service providers, others still balked when asked to list their companies. “They say, ‘No, we’re not gay; why would we do that,’ ” he said. “Others hang up on me.”

Seon Kilian, a Cape Town-based event planner who has done a number of same-sex weddings, says that after the country’s long struggle against racism, it is painful to see another group of South Africans facing bigotry. She says she tries to buffer clients against uncomfortable moments by vetting the waiters, floral designers and videographers she hires.

“The last thing you want is two grooms kissing on the dance floor and a waiter drops a tray in disgust,” Ms. Kilian said.

To some gay South Africans, the law has allowed them to dwell on questions they might never have thought possible, like guest lists, wedding vows and their lives as husbands and wives.

“We just want it to be a truthful mirror of our intentions and how we feel about each other,” said Paul Botha in the midst of arranging the final details the day before marrying his partner, Albert Marton.

And for many foreign gay and lesbian couples, South Africa offers a legal tolerance often denied in their own countries. In 2007, Damon Bolden married his partner at Constitution Hill, the site of an apartheid-era prison that now houses South Africa’s Constitutional Court and several human rights groups. The American couple, who lived in Johannesburg for five years before returning to New York in 2008, married in a ceremony that blended American and African traditions, including jumping the broom, a wedding ritual used by slaves in America, who were forbidden to marry.

“It was an honor to get married in a democracy so young and progressive,” Mr. Bolden said from New York. “If it can happen there, it can happen here.”

A version of this article appeared in print on July 28, 2010, on page A9 of the New York edition.

[hipic_junction]

Is this supposed to teach us anything?



And by the way, Mr. Matali.....What is your view of this presentation?

[Bula Matali]

Sir Hipic,

I welcome the legal recognition of same sex marriages. I don't think same sex couples should be denied their right to legally wed and live together.

I wish our lawmakers in Ghana had the same foresight.

I am also looking at the revenue that South Africa will be raking in from being a venue for same sex marriages. Gay men support each other and they often have large disposable incomes. If Ghanaian officials were smart they would change the law, recognize and accept same sex marriages. Set up the enabling environment for Western and other foreign same sex couples to fly to Ghana to get married and we would all make a killing from setting up their marriages and the supporting services that it demands.

Look at Hawaii. They make a killing from people flying in and getting married on the beach or some island. There is a whole tourist inductry that has developed around weddings in Hawaii (google the subject). Is there any reason why we can't develop a whole industry around legal same sex marriages? South Africa is obviously smart enuf to be doing it.

Ghanaians are way too slow when it comes to national development. There are many ways to develop and while we wait for the so called oil revenues to come in let's develop other lucrative income streams.

I know somebody will come up and say aren't U speading homosexuality by accepting same sex marriages. I don't think so. I think people are gay or they are not. Just the fact that U legalize homosexual marriages is not going to make straight people suddenly start exploring same sex relationships. The people who are homo or bisexual will explore these things. Straight people will stay straight.

[Bula Matali]

a google "weddings in hawaii"search generated this http://www.google.ch...RL5q60gT2nq2TBw

In Ghana we have an unemployment problem.
We also have a low skilled labour force.

Just by this simple act of making our country a location for same sex marriages we could create a multi billion dollar industry catering for people who will fly to Ghana to holiday and get married.

Think Hotels, Air flights (we are dumb enuf to have bankrupted our national carrier) Car Rentals, Photography, Clothing, Catering, Entertainment all of these will create employment. Think of the inflows of money that will be spent in our country.

[Genesis]

Hmm, so Bula for the sake of money, we should compromise ourgood values for anything that comes through the day.



What would happen if every body turned into gay and marriedeach other? How would our world be in the next 50yrs?



Personally I think same sex is Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! AndGhanaian should not embrace it for anything.

[Bula Matali]

When I saw your name I knew what your response was going to be...

Homosexuality is not going anywhere anytime soon.

So are U saying if we legalized gay marriages you would suddenly go and find yourself a man to marry? Of course not. U are hetero-sexual and nothing/nobody is going to change that.

But on the other side there are people who are homosexual and why do we think it is correct to prevent them legally from finding love and happiness with someone that they love?

How would you feel if the State refused to recognize the relationship between U and your wife? That is exactly what we do to gay people who want their relationships to be legally recognized.

This post has been edited by Bula Matali: 28 July 2010 - 05:12 PM

[zulughana]

Genesis, on 28 July 2010 - 04:57 PM, said:

Hmm, so Bula for the sake of money, we should compromise our good values for anything that comes through the day.

my thoughts too....
if Hawaii is happy doing something they think is of advantage to them so be it.

Quote

So are U saying if we legalized gay marriages you would suddenly go and find yourself a man to marry?

i believe Genesis' comment was:

Quote

Personally I think same sex is Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! And Ghanaian should not embrace it for anything.

Quote

In Ghana we have an unemployment problem.
We also have a low skilled labour force.

Just by this simple act of making our country a location for same sex marriages we could create a multi billion dollar industry catering for people who will fly to Ghana to holiday and get married.

Think Hotels, Air flights (we are dumb enuf to have bankrupted our national carrier) Car Rentals, Photography, Clothing, Catering, Entertainment all of these will create employment. Think of the inflows of money that will be spent in our country.

Christ, i cannot believe I am reading this....well on second thoughts i suppose i can!
hey why dont we just knock the government on its head for taking a stance against drug dealers trying to use the country as a drug haven...after all cocaine etc etc are is a multi billion dollar industry.

God help us draw the line somewhere

[Bula Matali]

Gentlemen,

I am not only looking at the money.

The principle underneath is more important. You cannot use your moral values or perceptions to deny other people their fundamental human rights.
Gay people are being denied the right to marry and live legally with their partners.

Sure U may have issues with a gay lifestyle. That is your problem. It does not give U the right to refuse gay people the legal right to marry another gay person.

You guys should remember that U get offended when you are discriminated against bacause of your race. So why are U discriminating against someone because of their sexuality.

Have U guys ever tried having an open conversation with a gay person about their sexuality and how they came to accept their gayness? Perhaps you should.
Better still if you can find an openminded mother of a gay person, have a conversation with them about when and how they noticed their child was different and drawn to same sex relationships. I know there are parents who are in denial and have major issues about their childrens homosexuality but that is another side of the debate.

[Culture]

slique, on 29 July 2010 - 11:05 AM, said:

Something doesn't add up!

Something just doesn't add up and I can feel it.

Maybe I need to find out some more before I could say anything atall.

Am going to sleep. Good morning to you all!

We will wait

[thinfox]

Bula Matali, on 29 July 2010 - 04:23 AM, said:

You guys should remember that U get offended when you are discriminated against bacause of your race. So why are U discriminating against someone because of their sexuality.

it's amazing how people who were/are discriminated against on daily basis can turn around and discriminate against others without any sense of irony.

how does what two consenting adults chooses to do with their lives affect you in anyway? why do you care so much?

we're not talking about people who prey on minors or the vulnerable members of society, which is what drug dealers and murderers do so you can't equate gays with them. i don't see what the big deal is at all. live and let live, people!

[hipic_junction]

Alright.....

The definition of marriage appears to have been modified, though I do not know when that happened.

This is what I found.



a. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife, and in some jurisdictions, between two persons of the same sex, usually entailing legal obligations of each person to the other.

Where are we now?

Apparently, there is an economic benefit just waiting to happen, if Ghanaian legislators will open their eyes. So says Bula.

Genesis says it is wrong, though he does not give the reason.

Slique is having some difficulty though I cannot tell what it is.
He said something doesn't add up.
Is it a problem with addition or something else?

Zulu is raising the issue of choice or prioritization at the national level.
If it is all about economic benefit, why aren't we legalizing drugs?
He would like to know.

Have I covered or summarized it up to this point?

I am trying to stay neutral....

Now where is Ewiase (our only true and certified Rev. in this forum)

Ewiase eeeeiiiiiiiii!

If two people of the same sex came to you in Ghana, will you perform their marriage ceremony?

[zulughana]

Mr. Tropicana, on 29 July 2010 - 09:22 PM, said:

hipic_junction, on 29 July 2010 - 02:46 PM, said:

Alright.....

The definition of marriage appears to have been modified, though I do not know when that happened.

This is what I found.



a. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife, and in some jurisdictions, between two persons of the same sex, usually entailing legal obligations of each person to the other.

Where are we now?

Apparently, there is an economic benefit just waiting to happen, if Ghanaian legislators will open their eyes. So says Bula.

Genesis says it is wrong, though he does not give the reason.

Slique is having some difficulty though I cannot tell what it is.
He said something doesn't add up.
Is it a problem with addition or something else?

Zulu is raising the issue of choice or prioritization at the national level.
If it is all about economic benefit, why aren't we legalizing drugs?
He would like to know.

Have I covered or summarized it up to this point?

I am trying to stay neutral....

Now where is Ewiase (our only true and certified Rev. in this forum)

Ewiase eeeeiiiiiiiii!

If two people of the same sex came to you in Ghana, will you perform their marriage ceremony?

No because i do not think Ghana has the mentality (yet) to cater for people of this orientation.
I believe there has to be some awareness on the national level first. So its more of a cultural thing than it is social.

I however agree that they are free to exist just like everybody else in our society.

Zulu basically shuttered Bula's argument with his drug dealers analogy.

you have hit the nail spot on the target.

that is what the problem is....Ghana not having the mentality (yet) to cater for people of this orientation...
there was a documentary of channel 4 - i think - about gay people in one of the African countries....it was something to do with a guy couple being caught and had it not been for the intervention of the police, the crowd would have stoned them to death.